Hi, this is Veronica,
Here is a letter from Victoria, who’d like help with identifying her soul mate.
I thought this process would be helpful for all of those wanting to find a lifetime companion.
I am single and I want to find my soul mate to spend the rest of my life with.
For the last few months I’ve been dating and meeting a lot of interesting guys.
But, because I’ve failed in love many times before, I don’t trust my judgment when it comes to choosing the right guy for me.
I am at a point where I’m afraid to get invested in the wrong man and fail again!
Can you help me understand what I can do to identify my soul mate?
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS for being actively dating and allowing yourself to meet different kinds of men!
You’re on the right track and closer than you think to meet your dream man!
Second, I can relate to what you’re going through, and I know exactly how you feel, because, there was a time when, just like you, I didn’t know how to target the love of my life.
When I was single, I used to think that I was very clear about what I wanted from a man.
I looked for things “in common” such as being able to play sports together, travel around the world, engage in philosophical debates,, enjoy meditation, or share the passion for scientific research.
I also looked for talents and looks – someone who was a nature lover and adventurous, as well as tall, thin, athletic etc.
Of course, I was able to find a lot of men that would meet my “requirements” …
…but somehow I wasn’t able to receive what I deeply wanted from these many men… which was the commitment of a good man who adored me completely as I am, and who was determined to win my heart to protect it with care, and total respect .
Then, I realized that the characteristics that I was looking for were just the “icing to the cake”, and they didn’t provide the foundation for a healthy and loving romantic relationship…
That’s when I decided to dig deeper within my self and define the essential elements that I wanted from a man and from a relationship.
And once I did that, my wonderful husband showed up!
So, in your search for a committed and loving relationship it is essential that you are explicit about your definition of two fundamental aspects:
1) WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IN A MAN (his core values)
2) WHAT YOUR NEEDS ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP (your core needs)
Once you are clear and specific about these two areas, you’ll magnetize the right man to have the love of your dreams.
Let us start with identifying what “core values” you want in a man.
His “characteristics” vs. His “core values”
Confusing “characteristics” with “core values” makes our love radar detect the wrong partner for us.
Usually, characteristics are the things we’d “like” our partner to have, but they don’t define who he is or his ability to fulfill our deepest wants in a loving relationship.
So instead of looking for talents, looks or “things in common” we need to go deeper and discover his “core values”.
Core values are very personal and can mean different things to different people.
What do core values do?
• Compel you to become better at selecting the right man for you.
• Offer the best way to weed out the wrong men and attract the right ones to you.
• Provide a framework for decision making.
His core values form a solid foundation of who he is and wants to be going forward..
They are traits or qualities that you consider represent an individual’s highest priorities, deeply held beliefs, and fundamental driving forces.
Why do you need them?
- Core values keep you on your path on what is important to you.
• Core values are the building blocks of a loving relationship. Without them, you can’t build a long lasting bond.
For instance, some of the core values that I looked for in a man were: integrity, responsibility, respect, honesty and accountability,
What core values are you looking for in a man?
Make a list of at least 10 core values that you want your ideal man to have.
Once you define what kind of man you want to be with, then, you are ready to establish your core needs.
What are your core needs in a relationship?
To understand them and attract men who will want to give to you and satisfy your needs, it starts with simply being clear on how YOU want to feel in a relationship.
How you see your needs and prioritize yourself has such a huge impact on the type of men you will attract.
If you place value on what you want, choosing to hold out and not get attached to any man who isn’t stepping up to meet your core needs, something really amazing happens.
Quality men will actually begin to align themselves with you because they see the value in you…because you see the value in what YOU want.
Take your time to go deep within yourself and answer the following 3 questions:
1)What would the ideal relationship for you feel like?
2)What does your ideal relationship look like?
3)How does your ideal partner treat you, speak to you, relate with you?
It’s not about having a hardcore set of impossible rules that men have to measure up to in order to win you.
Your CORE NEEDS are very basic actually.
Basically, you need to develop the mindset that you can find love with a man who may not be your exact picture of the man you envision, but who can give you the kind of love and life you want!
Answer all of the questions – what kind of man you want and what you need from a relationship- in a notebook and read them so often that they become part of you.
The more clear you are about what you want from your man and from your relationship, the sooner your soulmate will show up for you.
I know you can get the love you want, because if I could get it so can YOU!
Once I defined clearly the core values that I wanted in a man and my core needs from a relationship, I met the love of my life.
I wish you clarity and all the love you deserve !
I would love to hear how this goes for you!
Please keep me posted!
Love and Gratitude