Hi this is Veronica,
Have you ever gotten emotionally involved with a man thinking… ?
“Even though he has some things that bother me, I want to stay with him because we have great chemistry and so many things in common….”
Have you ever heard a friend say: “He’s a nice guy and HAS GREAT POTENTIAL! I know HE CAN CHANGE.”
It seems reasonable to give him a “fair chance” so that he can change; after all we aren’t perfect either, right?
…It hardly ever works that way.
There are so many reasons why you wouldn’t want to be with a man with the hopes that he’ll change…
…and the very first one is that it’s NOT FAIR TO EITHER ONE OF YOU!
The fact is that he is the way he is, and makes the decisions he makes because HE WANTS TO!
…. and ….
If he wants to change, he’ll do it, and without your help.
Looking at his potential and expecting it to manifest in the future, puts you in a position of not appreciating him as he is right now.
For him it feels as if you wanted to push him to fit in a mold of a different shape than his… actually, YOUR OWN MOLD of a man, and NOT who he really is.
One essential element a man needs to feel in order to fall in love-and to stay in love – with you is safety. He needs to feel that he can safely open up to you and be totally accepted for who he is.
Every time you ask him to change, he is hearing you say: “you are not good enough for me; you don’t meet my highest expectations; to make me happy you have to change.”
Your man does not need your help to change him, instead he needs to feel TOTALLY APPRECIATED the way he is.
Believing that he’ll love you and appreciate you more, if you help him, advise him, ‘show him the way’ and be patient , not only will “turn off his attraction for you”, but also, may be one of the fastest ways to damage your romance with him.
It gives me the chills as I remember being in an emotional roller coaster that constantly went from hope to disappointment when he didn’t follow through.
I’d feel upset and betrayed.
Even worst, I felt the need to control him.
I thought I had to make sure he was actually making the changes that “we’d agreed upon”.
Nothing I tried worked.
He didn’t change…
And even worse…
He gradually started to pull away from me…
How come he didn’t value all I did and sacrificed for him…?
I felt lost; I didn’t know what went wrong…
Then, I learned that it doesn’t have to be like that.
One day, I came to an empowering realization:
I either took him exactly as he was ….
I needed to change the type of men I felt attracted to.
Understanding this concept felt relieving: I no longer had to hold on to potential expectations.
I could stay with him as he was, or I could leave him.
Then, I made a conscious decision to meet and date men that I could entirely accept as they were.
I realized that instead of trying to change a man, I needed to find one that could meet my expectations, and offer me just what I WANTED.
Most importantly, I trained myself to look for all the red flags before I got emotionally involved!
That’s when my fabulous husband showed up!
With him, everything feels easy and relaxed… and even though he isn’t perfect, there’s nothing about him that I want to change!
However, if you find yourself so involved with your man and you really want to turn things around in your relationship, the fastest and best way to help your man is to shift ALL of your focus off of him and onto yourself.
Use all the energy that you’ve invested on “helping him”, to increase your self-esteem and to draw clear boundaries.
Most of all, cultivate the belief that YOU DESERVE THE LOVE YOU WANT FROM A GOOD MAN.
You’ll see that if your man has the potential to change, AND if he really wants to change, when he notices your shift, he will start to shift himself too.
Not only would he feel instinctively more attracted and closer to you but also, he’ll feel inspired to make the necessary changes to take better care of YOU and to move the relationship forward!
The bottom line is that we all want to be loved and accepted just as we are.
So, if you choose to stay with him and want to transform your present relationship, instead of waiting for him to change, keep focusing on taking good care of yourself!
You’ll love to experience that as you become more self-confident and more secure of what you expect from a relationship, if he is the right man for you, he’ll feel motivated to get closer to you and do whatever it takes to meet your needs, without you even asking !
Connect with the “DIVA” in you, and stay adoring yourself so that you can inspire him to treasure you too !
I’d love to hear how this works for you!
Please keep me posted! I love receiving your updates!!
Love and Gratitude